Emma’s experience with OCD

I’d like to introduce you to Emma. She does her best to parent her beautiful children while living with OCD. She copes with constant obsessions and compulsions every day. Hopefully her experiences will resonate with some of you. Please remember that if you are dealing with similar situations you may benefit from some support from a mental health professional. If anything in Emma’s experiences triggers you, please consider calling Lifeline for a chat on 13 1114.

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When my psychiatrist first suggested I might have OCD, I laughed. Of course not! “People with OCD don’t know the things they do are crazy, that’s why they do them,” I told him. “I’m fully aware that these things I do are crazy, I’m just not sure why I can’t stop doing them.”

In my mind, OCD was Adrian Monk, obsessed with hand-washing and germs and totally oblivious to the fact that he’s completely batshit crazy.

And me? I just have a bit of a thing for even numbers and I’m fussy about how I hang the laundry. Eccentricities. Quirks. Not a disorder.

It wasn’t until the psychiatrist pointed out just how much time these little ‘quirks’  (or as he called them ‘rituals’) take out of my day, and how much of the in-between time I spend feeling anxious about them, that I began to concede that he might be right. In fact, OCD is by definition egodystonic – sufferers are well aware that their actions are irrational and that awareness is the basis for a lot of the anxiety that comes with it. The hand-washing and obsessive cleanliness? A common symptom but not definitive.

When my OCD it was at its worst, I spent most of my waking hours either performing rituals (that’s the compulsive part), or thinking about performing them (that’s the obsessive part). I couldn’t have the volume on my television or radio set to an odd number. I couldn’t take my baby out of the bath unless the digital clock above the bench where I bathed her read an even number. If I arrived home and the clock in the car was on an odd number, I’d pull over to the side of the road just outside my driveway and wait for them to tick over to an even number. When I did the groceries, I had to buy two loaves of bread or four, not three, although I rationalised in my head that one wasn’t technically an odd number because it’s just one. See, totally irrational!

Why did I do all these things? Because in my mind, I believed that if I didn’t do them, bad things would happen. The bad things were rarely directly related to the rituals themselves; I think the rituals were more just a way of keeping my hands and mind busy and in doing so, keeping the churning anxiety at bay.

Perhaps even more distressing than the obsessions and the compulsions however were the intrusive thoughts – thoughts which had no basis in reality but which came crashing into my conscious mind in the most upsetting manner. Perhaps most vivid is the night I was lying in bed trying to get to sleep when I suddenly thought, ‘I’ve never wanted to harm myself because I couldn’t stand the thought of someone else raising my children. But if I kill myself and the children I don’t have to worry about that’.

 

I’d never, not once in my entire life, ever consciously thought about hurting myself. And the idea that such a thought had even occurred in my mind, regardless of how completely ridiculous it was, made me so desperately upset that I lay awake for the rest of the night, terrified to go to sleep lest I wake up to find those crazy intrusive thoughts had invaded my reality.

That was my tipping point, the point where I realised that the OCD was controlling me and not the other way around. I started on medication, and while I was skeptical about whether it would work – in my mind, I still saw the compulsions as behavioural and I couldn’t see how altering the chemicals in my brain could fix that – it did. After about three days, I suddenly found my anxiety levels dropping. That in itself was disconcerting. I’d worn the anxiety for so long like an old familiar coat that living without it took some adjustment. At a fundamental level, I still believed that I needed the anxiety in order to provoke the rituals which prevented the bad things from happening.

In addition to the medication, I also started regular CBT sessions with a psychologist who specialised in OCD. These sessions taught me techniques for living my new, medicated life without the anxiety cloak. I don’t know that medication or the therapy would have worked as standalone treatments, but the combination of the two was incredibly effective.

It’s been nearly seven years since I was diagnosed with OCD, and while it’s still there affecting my life in little ways, the medication and therapy combo continues to help me keep it somewhat under control. I’ve also learned some creative ways to avoid the compulsions – for example, I have a lot of rituals around hanging the laundry on the line. The washing must come out of the machine and into the basket in a certain order. It must then be hung on the line in a certain order, the pegs must all match and certain items require specific combinations of pegs. It can take up to an hour to hang a single load, and with five small children, there’s simply too much laundry and not enough time, so instead of battling with my head to try to combat the rituals, I avoid them altogether by drying all the washing in the clothes dryer. Yes, it’s an expensive exercise, and no, it’s not great for the environment, but if there’s one thing that living with OCD has taught me it’s to save my energy for the big stuff and not sweat the small stuff.

I’m open with my friends and family about what it’s like to live with OCD, and it’s even been the source of some amusement – my husband regularly tells people that he got ripped off because I don’t have the obsessive cleanliness thing going on. He reckons that if he has to live with the darker side of the condition, the least he deserves is the perk of a clean house!

I’m also realistic about the fact that I’ll probably need to keep taking medication for the rest of my life. I’ve had a few breaks from it over the years and they’ve generally not gone so well. Without the medication, the anxiety is simply too overwhelming for the CBT techniques to touch. Do I love the idea of pumping my brain full of drugs? Of course not! But it keeps the playing field level, it gives me the upper hand over my OCD and that makes it worth it.

I own my OCD, I will not let it own me. 

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One-time high-flying journo turned SAHM, Emma blogs at Five Degrees of Chaos about parenting on the edge of sanity – navigating her own personal mental health minefield while raising five girls, one of whom lives with chronic illness. You can find her blog here.

 

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

We all have our little idiosyncrasies. Those behavioural quirks that to most people seem weird. Perhaps it’s that the pegs need to be colour coded when you hang the washing on the line. Or maybe it’s that you need to line up your pens in a certain order. Or even the toilet roll being in the “over” position.

To most people these habits are simply that; habits. Habits that we chuckle at affectionately.

For some people these habits, and many more like them, can be a problem. Hand washing, cleaning, locking doors, sorting/hanging clothes, quoting specific sayings (whether aloud or silently), collecting things, counting floor tiles or cracks in the footpath, going in and out of doorways. All of these, and more, have been noted as common in Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD).

OCD is an anxiety disorder. The person with OCD will experience severe anxiety. They will become obsessed with specific thoughts (e.g., my house will burn down) and to relieve the anxiety the thoughts produce, will carry out certain compulsions (behaviours), such as checking and re-checking that they have turned off the stove and any other appliance that may catch alight. So, the person will become obsessed with the idea of their house burning down, anxious about the possibility and feel the compulsion to check and re-check the stove and other appliances to prevent it.

One of the main characteristics of OCD is that the person with the disorder will recognise that their obsessions and compulsions are irrational. They are aimed at reducing the anxiety or preventing some dreaded event (e.g., house burning down). The thoughts or habits must interfere with daily life and must last for long periods of time (an hour or more per day).

How do you think you’d feel if you were plagued with thoughts that your baby girl is at risk if you don’t check and re-check that you’ve locked the front door? You check it at least 50 times before you can relax. And then you start thinking about all the other dangers she could get into. Maybe it’s combing the sandpit repeatedly to make sure there is nothing that could cut her fragile skin. Or maybe it’s the germs she could pick up if she crawled around on the floor, so you wash and re-wash everything in sight before you let her down to play. And then you follow her around so she doesn’t pick anything up to suck on it.

Can you imagine it?

You know that the thoughts are silly and not based in reality. And yet you can’t seem to control it. How would you feel? Hopefully some of the recent posts we have shared from a few of our readers will give you an inkling. If you experience similar obsessions or compulsions that interfere with your life, please consider seeking professional support from a psychologist or counsellor. Tomorrow we will share the experiences of someone who lives with OCD. In the meantime, if you would like more, technical information please try these sites. They cover definitions, symptoms and common treatments.

http://psychcentral.com/disorders/ocd/

http://eqip.psychology.org.au/conditions/OCD/

A day in the life of an Anxiety Sufferer

I would like to introduce you all to Cassie. She has had a recent diagnosis of Anxiety and has kindly offered to share a day in her life. I wonder whether you can relate to her worries during the day? Cassie has her own blog where she shares more about her life. The link is below her post. Please pop over for a visit.

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Anxiety sucks.

Both in the sense that it’s a crappy situation and also in that it sucks the life out of you.

Spending a day being hyper vigilant for any “attack” to you, your family or even just your lifestyle can leave you exhausted. To have your tummy churning with worry all day can leave you emotionally and even physically wrung out.

I was recently diagnosed with an anxiety disorder and as part of my therapy with a psychologist I have been recording my thoughts and feelings. This helps me to identify just what I’m thinking, what I’m worrying about and also helps me to be more awake and tackle the thoughts head on.

Today I’m sharing some of those thoughts with you, to give you an idea what it’s like to spend a day in my brain.

9am – Eldest daughter, Lily (3), swimming lesson

Swimming lesson has been moved to a different pool due to technical problems at our pool. It is also with a different teacher. Lily doesn’t deal with change at all. I spend the drive to the pool in a complete state of anxiety.

“Will she scream? Will she go in at all? Should we really be forcing her to do this? She loves it when all is fine. It will benefit her so much in the future. But are we bad parents for making her do this?”

Lily screams through the whole lesson and refuses to do anything, even when Daddy gets in the pool with her. I feel like everyone is looking at us and judging us, even though there are other children reacting the same way.

“They must think we’re horrible people. Is this going to scar Lily?”

9.30am – Playing in pool after lesson

Lily is perfectly fine now. My husband, Mr Monkey, takes our youngest daughter, Chloe (8mo), in to the toddler pool too. I spend the whole time watching Chloe and fighting the urge to jump up each time it looks like she’ll fall in the water or put her head under.

“Need to trust Mr Monkey to look after them. But what if he’s distracted? She is crawling everywhere, she might try to crawl away and slip and go under the water. I won’t be able to get to her quickly enough. She might start to drown. There are no lifeguards close by. I’ll have to try to do mouth to mouth. I don’t know what to do properly. Maybe Mr. Monkey could. What if we can’t revive her?”

10.30am – Driving home

Cars keep coming close and I grab the armrest every time. I’m hyper vigilant – watching for any danger. Realise when I get home that my hands are hurting from grabbing things so tightly. Chest feels tight and sore from the anxiety. Feel so, so tired.

12 noon – Home, preparing lunch

I notice that my throat has begun to hurt.

“It’s probably just a bad cold. But I can’t get sick, there’s so much to do. The house is a mess and I need to try and get it back to order. I’m such a bad mum/housekeeper for letting it get so far. Mr. Monkey goes back to work tomorrow, it’ll just be the girls and me. I can’t cope. My throat is still hurting, what if it’s tonsillitis? I’ve never had it before but this doesn’t seem like a normal sore throat. I definitely can’t cope if I’m that sick!”

(It turns out to be tonsillitis. I go to the doctor a few days later and he is astonished that I have lasted so long. My anxiety also causes me to doubt when I am really sick and when it’s just me being over-anxious, meaning I don’t get help when I probably really should. I’m put on strong antibiotics and laid up for a few days.)

1.30pm – a plane goes overhead (we live under the flight path).

“That plane seems to be really low. The engines sound so loud! Maybe it will crash! What would happen to us? If it crashed in to the back of the house we may be able to get out the front. But if it crashed when I was upstairs I’d be gone. What if it caught on fire? We wouldn’t have a chance. Maybe we could get out; we’d have to call the fire brigade. Maybe our neighbours would come to help. What if the girls survived and we didn’t? I can’t bear to think of them living without their parents. What if the girls didn’t survive? I don’t think I could go on without them. Or if Mr. Monkey died, I don’t know if I could cope.”

5pm – Watching TV, doing a few things on the laptop

“I’ve barely done any housework today. I should be doing more. I need to get back in to a routine. I’m not going to be able to cope in the future when our life gets harder and the girls go to school. I’m being a terrible role model for our children. Our house is always going to be a mess.”

8.30pm – Bedtime routine with Lily

Lily is fighting going to sleep. She wants to sit up or sleep in our bed.
“Is she worried about something? Is she still upset from this morning? She’s not getting enough sleep; maybe we should get her to bed earlier. Am I doing something wrong with her? Should I be spending more time with her? Should I be leaving her to fall asleep by herself? Or will it make her more upset if I leave before she falls asleep?”

Midnight – in bed, reading

Everyone else is asleep. I hear a noise downstairs.

“Is that someone breaking in? They could be coming in the back door. It sounded like someone coming up the stairs? Is it in invader? What will they do to us? What can I do? I can’t yell out. I have nothing to use to protect us. Should I call 000? It’s probably nothing and then I’ll look stupid.”

After lying still for a few minutes, straining for any sound, I realise it was only the cat shifting on the stairs.

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Cassie blogs at The Flying Drunken Monkey, about her daily struggle against housework and how she is working to make life easier for her family. She’s the wife to a hardworking (and often not home) head chef, Mr Monkey, mother to two beautiful girls, Lily and Chloe and an eater of a lot of chocolate.

More on Anxiety

I would like to bring you all back to anxiety for a brief moment. A colleague of mine wrote this post for me a while ago and I think it might assist those of you who experience anxiety. Mick provides a simple place from which to begin managing your anxiety – mindfulness. Have a read and see what you think. If you feel you may benefit from learning how to observe your anxiety, please make contact with your mental health professional.

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What’s your lived experience of anxiety? What’s your relationship to it? If it were an animal, a colour, a flavor, what form would it take?  Is it something that seems like a normal part of your life?

Anxiety is a condition that increasingly affects people and communities globally. While it can be healthy in small amounts it often reaches levels in contemporary life that can have a debilitating effect on an individual’s psychological, spiritual and physical wellbeing. The effect of collective anxiety on communities can also be profound in the wake of significant events.

 There are many diverse strategies for managing anxiety and different things may work for different people. In that moment however of a racing pulse rate, inability to focus, a short fuse or lying awake in the middle of the night how do you go about applying a strategy? For example have you had the experience of successfully activating breathing techniques to reduce your symptoms? Have you been too overwhelmed in the moment to manage the anxiety? Have you ever had that thought “Well these tips all seem good in theory but….’

The simple act of observing what is going on in your body is a good place to start. Learning to become curious about the subtle and obvious characteristics of your own anxiety can open up a space in which you can really make a choice about how you want to experience that anxious moment. From there you can explore different strategies but it begins with curiosity. Not always easy. It can be hard to look that beast in the eye sometimes. But there are ways you can learn to be curious without getting caught up in the maelstrom.

Underneath curiosity lays motivation. Is anxiety something you can live with whatever its degree? Does anxiety provide other benefits that you feel might disappear if you conquer it? Is anxiety affecting your relationships with other people? Some of these questions may appear simple however like a sad song, they can suddenly make complete sense when the time is right.

So as best you can try not to see anxiety as an enemy to be resisted (resistance may sap what little energy you have left!). Before the strategies…observe it, understand it and then make a decision on how you want to live with or manage it.

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Mick Sheedy. Counsellor (Bach.App.Soc.Sci. Counselling) (QCA)

Hi, my name is Mick and I recently moved to Clunes from Brisbane with my wife and our boxer dog. We chose to live in Clunes because we like the sense of community and the natural beauty/serenity. I am a counsellor and my most recent work has been in assisting carers of all ages to manage their mental health.  A carer is someone who cares for another person living with a mental illness, physical or intellectual impairment. I am now available for counselling from a peaceful and private location in Clunes. Tel: 0478 086340 email: micksheedy12@gmail.com

Living with Depression

I would like to introduce you all to Debbie. She lives with Depression on a daily basis and battles it and other mental health conditions. She is a mother doing her best to parent. And because of her mental health, she advocates for others who live with similar conditions. She has a great blog filled with informative information, so please head on over and have a look around. Details can be found below. I hope you all get something out of reading her story here.

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“That’s the thing about depression: A human being can survive almost anything, as long as she can see the end in sight. But depression is so insidious, and it compounds daily, that it’s impossible to ever see the end. The fog is like a cage without a key.” – Unknown 

There was an end to the childhood/teenage years spent in a household that was unloving and at times abusive at the hands of my Mother whose only way of expression was through her hand and use of a dressage whip. There was an end to the marriage that involved cheating, prostitutes who were more important than me, physical abuse, mental abuse, controlling, and constant hurt. There was an end to the years with the fireman who could not commit and had to keep me as his secret second life. There was an end to the jobs that involved colleagues that chose to bully, discriminate, and use my depression against me because it was easier to mistreat me than ask if I was ok and help.

There were ends to these parts of my life.

What hasn’t ended after decades of severe depression, bipolar disorder, and general anxiety despite various treatments, medications, appointments, and counselling this insidious illness has not shown any end in sight, light at the end of a very dark tunnel, and is a battle that just keeps going and going.

Not a day goes by that the cage that surrounds me, depression, doesn’t have an impact upon my day. After many years with depression, anxiety, and mania have come to terms with the fact that I will always be burdened on a daily basis by this illness. The following will detail how depression, bipolar and anxiety impact upon me.

Depression – the theory, if you can call it that, is once you take medication prescribed for depression your mood should lift or at least improve. When you undergo electro convulsive therapy (ECT) which involves electrodes put on the right side of your brain that pulse an electric current through the brain stimulating the brain to increase neurotransmitters and therefore chemicals in the brain to improve your mood. Despite these measures, trial and error with medications not a day goes by that the feelings of depression don’t haunt me, shroud my day, take my smile, or leave me house bound with a deep sadness that doesn’t lift and takes from me my ability to go about my day.

Mania – Mania is the other end of the spectrum from depression.  It is a feeling of elation, high energy, the feeling you can absolutely do anything, and the ability to do anything.  My manic episodes are not so frequent but when I do have them they last days sometimes weeks and because of how mania makes you feel I go like a mad women the whole time, do a million things at once, and feel like I am superwoman.  While some would say this would be a good thing because at least I am not depressed, it is only a matter of time before I come crashing down, and when I do crash it is with a big bang.  The end of a manic episode is complete and utter exhaustion, at times making me physically sick, and on top of that depression hits me like a tsunami bringing me down in a big way, to the extent that I can’t work, can’t get out of bed, just don’t want to do anything because it is just incredibly hard.

 Moodiness – Everyone is moody at some point in their day and week. It can be caused by tiredness, stress, relationships, work stuff, a whole range of things but when you suffer depression, bipolar and anxiety you are constantly on the moodiness rollercoaster.  My day can involve a range of different moods from being manic, depressed, angry, irritated, upset, and stressed, you name it and my day involves that kind of mood.  Along with dealing with this rollercoaster it is incredibly hard to manage and adds to the stressors of trying to get through the day, getting your job done, dealing with people, and just enjoying the day.

Anxiety – My anxiety involves racing heart, tightness of the chest and throat, the feeling you are being strangled, sweating profusely, shortness of breath, a feeling that you are out of control and something bad is going to happen.  It is neither easy to deal with or easy to get rid of.  While medication can assist in controlling the symptoms of anxiety they still occur in response to your natural flight or fight response, your response to fear or threat, and the circumstances around you.  There have been occasions when my anxiety has turned into a full on panic attack, and it hasn’t been pretty, and has ended with me in hospital until it can be brought under control.  Panic attacks or more precisely the fear of having a panic attack is also a contributing factor to anxiety and can literally cripple people into not being able to leave their home, drive a car, go to a shopping centre, a range of other things, usually linked back to the original source and environment of the panic attack.  I have been one of these people who hasn’t been able to leave the house for periods of time, can’t go to shopping centres, can’t go to social gatherings, and struggles at work.  Anxiety also affects thought patterns and self talk, leaving you with doubts about your ability to do things in your day.

Exhaustion – Nobody can operate when exhausted and when we do it is not at full capacity and our daily tasks are twice as hard as what they should be.  For most people, exhaustion comes, they sleep and then it is gone but for me and many others who live with depression it is not this simple.  I believe my exhaustion is a combination of depression, lifestyle, and my medications.  Whatever the reason the effect of exhaustion upon me is huge, it makes my depression ten times worse, it increases my rollercoaster of moods, it leads to physical sickness, it incapacitates me for long periods of time.  I can sleep for 24 hours straight, sleep on and off all weekend, sleeping is all I want to do and it’s what I try to do any time I get the chance.  The problem is despite how much sleep I get I wake never feeling like I have slept, never feeling rested, and never feeling renewed to start again.  Exhaustion never leaves me, making my days extremely hard and long, affecting my productivity, my ability to look after myself, and sending me deeper and deeper into depression.

 Little to no concentration – Depression affects your ability to concentrate and for me it can become a huge issue, especially if I am at work.  When I have little or no concentration I find my mind wandering off with all its self-talk, finding myself with little motivation to carry on with my day, and struggling to get through what I need to do.  On one hand I want to get things done on the other hand it is like a force is pulling in me in the opposite direction so that I feel vague, disinterested, not motivated, and tired.  Sometimes the feelings that come from not being able to concentrate affect my level of depression, my mood, and how I interact with those around me because it leaves me irritated and frustrated with myself because I want to get things done but can’t.

In a nutshell these are the aspects of my life that depression has dealt me, this is the rollercoaster of most of my days, it is my constant battle, and how I end up having a major depressive episode because like a volcano there is only so much pressure from these that I can handle before I collapse in a heap. The Black Dog is invading my personal space, and I can not function mentally.  I would like to think that there is a cure for these, more importantly for depression, but unfortunately in most cases there is not.  We can take medications, we can see a therapist, a psychiatrist, a doctor or someone else, but we can only ease the symptoms, and hope for a reprieve from depression.  Every day I hope that my day will be easier that I will feel great and that everything will be a breeze but this is very rare.  Some day I have hope that it will get easier.

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About Sad Mum Happy Mum

 Debbie is the author of Sad Mum Happy Mum, which is the story of a Mum living with depression, and her journey to recovery and happiness.  Debbie is a single Mum of a 13-year-old son, a keen photographer, reader, camper and academic, and has lived with depression since her early teenage years.  Debbie’s experience with depression has inspired her to write a blog about her experiences and learnings in the hope of helping others with depression, as well as increasing the awareness of depression and mental illness, and breaking down the stigma attached to depression.  A strong advocate, mentor, and living example, Debbie is determined to provide a safe environment for other Mum’s to talk about their experiences with depression, and is working towards establishing a support group that assists Mum’s living with depression.

To read more from Sad Mum Happy Mum click here.

To visit and become a fan of Sad Mum Happy Mum visit the Facebook page here

My Journey with Anxiety

As promised, here is Sam’s journey with anxiety. She has one cute cat that clearly loves cleaning!

Thanks Neanderthal man!

Well thank you Neanderthal man, for the very unhelpful ‘fight-or-flight’ response that triggers my anxiety constantly!  The split-second response you developed to help you either fight or flee from some man-eating predator, by pumping your body full of adrenalin, is often not a very helpful  response to the challenges of modern life (although if a sabre-tooth tiger sneaks up on me, I’ll probably be very grateful for it!).

My earliest memory of feeling anxiety is when I was about three and not wanting to be separated from my mum.  My mum was my nurturer, she kept me alive and safe.  Did I feel okay about being dropped off at kindy or with dodgy relatives … umm … NO!!  Cue separation anxiety!!

As a child I began to develop the traits of perfectionism … I tried very hard to do my best and make people happy.  Conflict within my family made me very nervous … my heart would race, whilst my mind searched for a solution as to what I should do to ‘fix’ things.  Often I would feel so ill-equipped and overwhelmed I did and said nothing.

In primary school, as we lined up to take our turn at high jump, I began to seriously freak out, based on the fact my anxiety constantly reminded me that I was hopeless at most things, especially sport and that everyone would probably laugh at me.  “I can’t do this!!”  I thought.  I asked to go to the toilet, where I stayed for a good 10 minutes hatching a plan.  I went back to the teacher and told her that I’d just been sick.  The school called my mum who came and picked me up.  Crisis averted!  Anxiety: one, conquering my fears: zero

In high school, I worried excessively.  I worried about how I looked, how I walked, how I dressed, how I did academically, what people thought of me.  By the end of high school I had developed a secret eating disorder that I told no one about.  The relationship between my anxiety and self-esteem, my mind and body, my desire for perfection and my overwhelming fear of stepping outside my comfort zone was rock-solid.  My anxiety led me to give away my power to those who seemed more self-assured and this often left me vulnerable to being hurt or treated badly.

In my twenties I suffered several, debilitating panic attacks as well as a few unique phobias (please do not mention the word ‘button’ to me, it makes me feel sick and I had trouble just typing it!!).  I put myself under an enormous amount of pressure and was extremely judgemental of myself: how I looked, how I performed at school, work, university.  I can add in social phobia too – not a big fan of parties and meeting new people.  Of course I married someone who is extremely social and extroverted, I think deep down I knew he would be someone who could gently challenge me out of my comfort zone.

In my thirties I began to learn more about the link between mental and physical health.  I saw counsellors and indeed trained as a counsellor, as I was very motivated to help other people.  It turns out there are some underlying medical reasons that contribute to my anxious state, so taking appropriate supplements and undergoing regular medical assessment is one way of managing my anxiety.

Place your worries in here

These worry stones will hold all your worries for you.

Just as important are the emotional and psychological strategies I use.  I have learnt from experience how to identify my increasing anxiety.  I experience tightness in my chest, start feeling a bit hyper and confused and my mind starts racing with problems, solutions and a lot of negative self-talk.  In these moments I have learned that I can calm myself down by:

1. Recognising that my anxiety is starting to increase
2. Taking a time out to focus on what I need right now in the present moment
3. Slowing down my breathing (pretend I am deeply inhaling the scent of a flower and then blowing out a candle on a birthday cake, repeat this at least 3 times)
4. Analysing my thinking & challenging my irrational thoughts:  how likely is it really that the plane will crash or my pants will fall down mid speech?

I also regularly practise gratitude.  I have a very loving family and a roof over my head.  My health is quite good.  Being grateful for what I have helps me feel calmer and less critical of myself.  Anxiety is sometimes seen as the difference between who you are and who you think you should be.  I am just me and I am very lucky to be here.  All of us are perfectly imperfect and we need to take back our power by acknowledging that we have just as much right to be here and be happy as the next person.

I realise now that anxiety is a normal part of being human.  That it is often driven by the human desire for survival which is, in other words, the fear of dying, especially before one has led a long, rich and fulfilling life.  It is the fear of pain and of those who you love suffering in any way.  However, fearing mortality doesn’t keep us alive any longer; it merely prevents us from fully enjoying life while we are here.

So I accept and appreciate my anxiety for helping me to be aware and alert and to stay safe, for warning me when there might be a sabre-tooth tiger lurking outside the cave.  But I am also thankful that with time I have learnt to take a breath and not jump to conclusions and that when I start panicking I can pause before choosing how to react.  Take some calming breaths and assess the situation – that sabre-tooth tiger shadow might be cast by a little kitten that just needs a cuddle.

Cleanliness loving cat or lonely saber-toothed tiger?

Bio

My name is Sam and I am a 39-year-old mum of two and a counsellor.  I support carers who care for a loved one with a mental illness or developmental disorder.  I have a special interest in supporting parents and carers of children with autism and Aspergers.  I am also experienced in counselling and supporting clients who have suffered sexual assault, complex trauma, PTSD, grief, depression and anxiety.

Anxiety

As the first condition to be covered in our focus on mental health, I have enlisted the assistance of one of my friends and colleagues to talk about anxiety. In this post she gives some great, easy to understand information about it and some awesome tips on how to work with it. In the next post she will share her own personal journey with anxiety and how it has impacted on her daily living. You can find a short bio on Sam below her post.

You are a cave-man.  You are just dozing off for the night in your cave while your precious family sleep soundly nearby.  You feel sleepy and relaxed.  Suddenly you hear a low growl coming from outside the cave.  Your ears prick up immediately, you eyes peer out into the darkness … what is it?!  Is it a sabre-tooth tiger?  Can it smell your scent?  Will it attack you?  How can you protect your precious family?  Your heart starts racing, your palms start sweating, your mind is running through all your available options simultaneously – where is your nearest weapon?  Should you fight?  Should you wake your family to run and hide?

Are you my next meal?!?!

This is the fight-or-flight response in primitive man and it is the same response we modern humans experience whenever we feel threatened or fearful.  This is anxiety.

Anxiety is a very common experience for most of us.  It is our survival instinct.  It is a reaction that is both psychological and physical. And it is therefore completely normal.

For example, you might be planning on taking a holiday soon and travelling by aeroplane.  You really want to go but you are feeling anxious about the flight.  You watched a show recently that was about a plane crash.  You keep imagining the worst case scenario in your mind.  It is your thoughts that are causing your anxiety.  But the response is a physiological one.  When you lie in bed at night worrying about flying your body can’t relax.  Your heart beats faster, you feel sick in the stomach and you cannot settle into sleep.

Many things can trigger anxiety: exams, public speaking, being laughed at (it is common to dream about turning up to school

Do I really have to get up in front of people?

naked!), job interviews, performance appraisals, being vulnerable, humiliated, rejected or exposed.

Anxiety can often play a positive role in our lives.  For example, if I get a text from a friend saying they will be popping by in 5 minutes, my anxiety about how they might judge me when they see how messy my house is, motivates me to run around tidying up, whilst adrenaline pumps through my body.  Even though for 3 hours prior to this I’ve been lying on the couch watching telly!  My anxiety just got my house looking decent in record time!

However, excessive worrying can negatively impact our daily lives.  We can suffer from generalised anxiety disorder, where our constant worrying can almost paralyse us.  For example, we cancel our overseas holiday because our anxious thoughts about flying become all-consuming.  Or we miss school on the day of our speech, because we have made ourselves so sick over the fear of stuffing up in front of our classmates and teacher that we are sweating, crying and shaking.  Or we pretend we are not home when our friend wants to pop over, because 5 minutes is just not enough time to feel everything is good enough.

Perfectionism is a personality trait that can feed anxiety, because it is a constant state of never feeling good enough.  No one can ever achieve ‘perfection’ so constantly measuring ourselves against some unrealistic ideal is going to cause a LOT of stress.  It has been said that anxiety is the difference between who you are and who you think you should be.  If we could accept ourselves as we are, we would feel calmer and less anxious.

Anxiety can also result in panic attacks, where the physiological response to the feared situation can be so overwhelming that it results in chest pain and/or hyperventilation.  If you suffer from anxiety and/or panic attacks, empower yourself with knowledge and strategies.  Start by talking to an understanding GP or psychologist or read up on symptoms and treatment.  If you know you are susceptible, learn some strategies and breathing techniques that work for you.  The main thing is to be able to identify the signs in yourself and try to stop yourself from spiralling out of control – slow your breathing down, bring yourself back to the present and challenge your irrational thoughts.

Some people simplify the concept of anxiety as worrying about the future (and depression as sadly lamenting the past).  A lot of the treatment for anxiety (and depression) focuses on mindfulness, focussing on the present and self-acceptance.  Trying to live in the moment and be grateful for what you have (rather than what you don’t have) can help.

Having anxiety can stop us from rolling with the punches and living our lives to the full.  Sometimes there can be physical conditions underlying anxiety also.  So it is worth going to your GP and getting some advice.  It may end up being a combination of things: perhaps some medical interventions to sort out any imbalances as well as some strategies and information from books, online research, a psychologist or counsellor.  Throw in some yoga and meditation to really reclaim your calmness!

Most importantly of all, dream big.  Life is short, so take some time, set some personal goals and go for it!  Don’t let anxiety paralyse you and stop you from living your life to the full.  Get some support to put it back in its place.

Meet Sam

My name is Sam and I am a 39-year-old mum of two and a counsellor.  I support carers who care for a loved one with a mental illness or developmental disorder.  I have a special interest in supporting parents and carers of children with autism and Asperger’s.  I am also experienced in counselling and supporting clients who have suffered sexual assault, complex trauma, PTSD, grief, depression and anxiety.