Heal a fragile self-esteem through Spirit

Our next post in our focus month on Self-esteem is from Sal Jade, a clairvoyant and spiritual healer who teaches clients to develop their psychic ability. She works with her spirit guides to support clients and today she shares her wisdom on how you can work with your guides to enhance your self-esteem. It takes a little practice to hear and interpret the directions they impart, but if you quiet your mind and listen, you’ll be sure to hear the answers to your questions. Check out Sal’s post below. Have you had any empowering experiences with your guides? We’d love to hear about them in the comments below!

————————————————————————-

When I was 19, I went to a psychic who told me I needed to learn to love myself.

Over the past 20 years the journey to self- love has been fraught with difficulty.

Sometimes I ignore it, and focus on material goals and relationship problems.

But, when I can give some love to myself- all of those goals and problems fade into manageable chunks that I can navigate.

When I tune into the energy of most of my clients, I clairvoyantly see splinters and sometimes even ice over their hearts because they are protecting themselves from painful trauma from their childhoods, or unresolved wounds from past relationships.

And I always tell them the same thing that psychic told me- you need to learn to love yourself.

Unfortunately, telling someone with a shattered self-esteem they just need to love themselves can make them think- ‘oh great, yet something else I do wrong! Something else I have failed at!’

 I am a huge fan of the Law of Attraction and positive thinking, but these ideas can be limiting if you already experience a low self-esteem.

I’ve seen clients try to think positively and when nothing happens- they think ‘oh I can’t even get that right! – or ‘well it worked for all those other people, why isn’t it working for me!’

Because everyone’s journey is different.

If you are someone who experiences low self-esteem because you were physically abused as a child, you will have a very different journey with positive thinking than someone who has a low self- esteem because their father was absent during your childhood.

You will need to undergo different levels of soul healing. You may even have different past life issues that are affecting your ability to experience a positive self-worth.

One powerful step I teach my clients to heal their soul of any trauma that is preventing them from loving themselves is calling in their angels for help.

Your angels love you unconditionally. They don’t judge you or criticise you. They are in awe of how brave you are because they know you are doing the best you can with the journey you’ve been given.

Whenever I have made a mistake, instead of letting my inner critic attack me, I call my angels in. I ask for the strength and courage to forgive myself, and I pray for the guidance I need to learn from this error without beating myself up.

Even if you are not religious, or find it hard to believe there are angels, you can still ask for help.

Angelic energy is soft and soothing and angels can help you take deep breaths and release old painful habits.

I have seen clients go from critising themselves for not being good to experiencing peace about their life journey- knowing the angels are blessing them and watching over them, ready to offer spiritual guidance.

When I first started working with angels, the knowledge that I wasn’t alone, and someone loved me unconditionally was enough to heal my childhood traumas, and allowed me to eventually grow to love and accept myself.

I started to like myself more. I started laughing at my mistakes. I even embraced my dark side and personality flaws because they were part of me.

I have seen clients burst into tears when they start calling in the angels because their soul opens up and they realise how cruel they have been to themselves by constantly criticising themselves.

And asking them for help is easy. Find a quiet spot, take a breath, close your eyes and just ask for help. Ask for faith that they can help you.

Even taking this small step will open up a world of possibilities.

Small signs will start to show up in your life. You might be drawn to a book or a course that will change your life. People will enter your life that will help you on your journey, opportunities will suddenly appear.

Most importantly, you start to feel more empowered because you will feel like you are in the driver’s seat, instead of being knocked around by your journey.

So the next time you start to criticise yourself for not being good enough ask the angels to help you learn to love yourself more.

And watch the miracles unfold!

Blessings and Love,
Sal Jade

 ————————————————-

Sal Jade is a Clairvoyant Healer who loves to assist her clients in healing blockages to happiness. She teaches psychic development and healing workshops and delights in empowering her students to tap into their psychic abilities and discover their own magic so they can learn to heal themselves.

For free angel courses and inspirational tips to heal your life sign up for Sal’s AngelHugger blog.

Boundary Setting

I’d like to welcome Ellen back with her second guest post for us! If you remember, in her previous article she talked about boundaries and how they can impact on our sense of SELF. She discussed the signs that tell you how to know when your boundaries are being violated. You can find her previous article here if you’d like to refresh your memory. If you endlessly to give (or take from) others, feel guilty, don’t speak up for yourself or rescue others, chances are that you’ll find this new article helpful.

In it, Ellen talks about how you can set healthy boundaries. This promotes feelings of self-esteem and shows yourself and others that you are worthy of respect, appreciation and love.

Sometimes though, implementing boundaries can be tough. Emotions such as guilt and fear can show up, and others can try to blame you or behave badly, providing you with some difficult challenges and often sending you into hiding. However if you start small you can ease into the groove of boundary setting. Try practising what you want to say, and set boundaries with the little things that really don’t matter much. Once you feel a little more comfortable, move on to some of the bigger things. And as Ellen suggests below, talking with a professional counsellor or psychologist can help.

Check it out …

——————————————————————-

Hi again.  Nice to see you.

Last time we talked about personal boundaries – what they are, how they help us and how, if they’re not firmly in place, they can have a negative impact on our relationships and our self-esteem.  Today I’ve got some tips on how to establish strong personal boundaries.

There are three areas of life in which strong personal boundaries are important.  These are:

1. Your time.  If you are clear about what you will and won’t do to help other people you will be able to make good decisions about how to use your time.  Your time is yours and while it’s always lovely – and good – to be able to help others, your time is also finite.  There is only so much of it you can give away.  When we bend over backwards to always help others, whether it’s family, friends or colleagues at work, we give away our time and that leaves less for ourselves.  And you and I know that there’s precious little of that to begin with.

So what do we do?

Think about where others might be crossing your boundaries in terms of your time.  Do you have people in your life who are always asking you to help them out? Is there someone at work who requests your assistance to do things you know they are capable of doing themselves? Do you have family members who regularly drop in when it’s not convenient?  Identify where your time boundaries are a bit loose and tell people that things need to change.  Be firm but respectful. Don’t feel afraid to tell others that you’re sorry but you can’t help them this time.  They might be a little put out at first but you will feel better for asserting yourself and they will come to respect your time as yours.  Encourage them to find solutions on their own, and in the case of inconvenient visitors, make a plan to catch up at a time that’s better for both of you.

2. Your emotions. Your emotions are precious, and they’re  Positive and negative emotions keep us balanced and healthy but you need to protect them with good boundaries.  If you let others say hurtful things to you your ability to manage your emotions lessens and, long term, this can lead to anxiety and depression.

What to do?

Be alert to hurt caused by other people in your life (sometimes we get so used to this behaviour that we stop noticing it – we just feel the hurt) and be ready to say something.  People can say hurtful things without realising the impact that it has.  At other times they might know exactly what they’re saying and they’re trying to push your buttons.  Be clear on what you will and won’t accept from others and tell them when they’ve crossed the line.  Try phrasing it as, ‘When you said…., I felt…. Please don’t speak to me that way.’  This can be hard, it takes practise and it won’t always work out as well as you might hope but if you’re firm and consistent you’ll feel better about you and other people will eventually get the message and their respect for you will grow.

3. Your values. Have you ever been upset by someone’s behaviour but you weren’t sure why it affected you the way that it did?  You might have been agitated about a partner’s drinking, or a child’s friends or a friend’s partner!  At times we experience what psychologists’ call ‘dissonance’ between the actions of others (and ourselves) and our values.  Our values are our personal standards of behaviour or our beliefs about what is important in life.  If you have strong beliefs – or values – around what is and isn’t acceptable behaviour in relation to alcohol use, for example, and someone close to you is drinking up a storm on a regular basis, this can be really upsetting.

So what can we do? 

This is a tricky one because ultimately we can do very little do change other people and the way that they act.  You might find that just being aware that your emotions are stemming from dissonance between your values and the other person’s behaviour can be very empowering.  You can then decide how you’re going to respond.  You might alert them to the issue and ask them to not behave in that way around you.  Or you might chose to remove yourself from upsetting situations.  Talking it through with a counsellor or psychologist can be really helpful too, particularly if the situation is complex.  A bit of brainstorming with a professional can really help you to clarify your boundaries and to come up with ideas about how to handle certain situations.

Above all else, having good personal boundaries starts with knowing who you are and what’s important to you.  Spend some time in self-reflection and feel confident that you have the power to make boundaries work for you.

Onwards and upwards,

Ellen.

If you’d like to read more, here are some great articles.

http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2014/03/10/7-tips-for-setting-boundaries-at-work/

http://happinessweekly.org/2014/03/02/personal-boundaries-why-we-need-them-and-how-to-set-them/

 ———————————————————–

Ellen is a Psychologist, author, mum.  Melbourne-born, she spent most of her 20s and 30s in Sydney and now lives in beautiful Ballarat, in the Victorian Goldfields. Ellen writes stuff to inspire and sometimes to challenge.  She knows a lot of stuff about how people work at work, how people are different and unique and how people make the most out of life.  Ellen writes at www.potential.com.au or if you’d like ask a question or share a story she’d love to hear from you! You can email her at psych@potential.com.au.

What does it mean to have self-esteem?

Hi everyone! I’d like to introduce you all to Sharon, who is an interior designer and Life Coach. She has had some pretty intense experiences in her life and her self-esteem has been impacted as a result. She has made big changes in her life and now she does what she loves in a beautiful part of the country she now calls home.

Sometimes the biggest, most traumatic events can affect your life for a long time. And it’s often a series of small, seemingly insignificant events that can help you turn things into a completely different life.

————————————————————————-

It’s a tricky question to answer as the answers will be as individual as people themselves.  For me, having self-esteem means that I live to my own set of values and not those imposed upon me by others – by religion, by the government, by my family or friends.  It means that I am confident enough in my own skin to know that my opinions count, that my voice deserves to be heard and that I am worthy of happiness, just as I am.  Yes I could be 10 (okay 20) kilos lighter, I could exercise more and eat more healthily.  I could spend more quality time with my children and husband and less time on Facebook.  I could read more educational books and less young adult fiction.  BUT, would any of those things make me happier?  Maybe, but maybe not and if I did any or all of these things, for whom would I be doing them?  For myself or for the acceptance of others? 

For many years, as the result of a violent upbringing, I felt like a fraud as a child, feelings that continued as I grew into adulthood and even after I had children.   I had spent years growing up trying to hide the truth about who I was – a scared young girl who felt isolated and worthless and a big part of who I was as an adult was still led by that scared young girl.  I sought attention in the wrong places and from the wrong people and it took me roughly twenty years to realise that it didn’t matter how highly anyone else thought of me, I still felt worthless.  

Back in 2010 I won a coaching award from a prestigious organisation – Best Newcomer Coach of the Year – the judges were all renowned Life Coaches in Australia and New Zealand.  However, for a long time I felt as though I had cheated somehow and persuaded the judges that I was far better than I actually was.  I thought that perhaps they had given me the award out of pity or because they had no-one else to give it to.  I didn’t put my award up on my wall because I felt as though I didn’t deserve the recognition.  It didn’t matter how many people told me that I had helped them because I thought they were just being nice. 

A year or so later I had a big “a-ha” moment and realised that most of my feelings of self-worth, or lack of it, stemmed from my childhood.  I realised that I had grown up feeling like a fraud and fearing people finding out the truth about who I was and what my life was like.  In that moment I realised that I had had no power as a child – it was not my fault that my upbringing was the way that it was and that I did not need to feel shame or guilt because of it.  I was able to let go of those feelings and know in my heart that I had done what I needed to, to protect myself.  So I started to be real about who I was, about my feelings, about my depression following the birth of my children.  I started to speak out honestly about what I had been through and it was incredibly liberating.  I discovered that my voice deserves to be heard and that by sharing my experiences, I am able to help others to free themselves of their own limiting beliefs and feelings of worthlessness. 

Understanding why we behave and think the way that we do is, in my opinion, the first step to gaining control of those feelings of self-doubt and self-loathing.  If we are able to understand why that little voice inside us speaks to us the way that it does, then we can manage those thoughts and find our path to self worth and greater self-esteem.  Having high self-esteem does not mean that you are arrogant or narcissistic, it does not mean that you think you are better than everyone else, it simply means that you recognise the value you bring to the world and to the lives of those around you.  It means that you understand you deserve to be treated with respect  and love and that you have abilities and gifts that can impact the world in a positive way. 

I now display my award with pride on my office wall, because I know that I do make a difference to the lives of others – fellow business people, my clients, my friends and family and most importantly, to myself. 

———————————————————————-

Sharon Chisholm is the founder of The Restful Nest, an Interior Design business and The Organisation Coach, a Professional Organising business specialising in working with women business owners.  An award winning Life Coach, Sharon’s passion is assisting women to achieve business success through effective time management and organised living.  Sharon moved to Australia in 2002 from the UK and now lives on the mid-north coast of NSW with her husband and two children.

Sharon’s business and blog can be found at www.therestfulnest.com.au, which focuses on Interior Design and Professional Organising. Her Facebook page can be found at www.facebook.com/therestfulnest.

She has recently begun another page called The Organisation Coach https://www.facebook.com/pages/The-Organisation-Coach/372596746224720?ref=hl.  This new page is a focus for women business owners who struggle with organising their homes, businesses and lives, and tackles self-esteem issues around these things.

I’m sure Sharon would love it if you took some time to visit her pages and sent her some love.

Suppressing your feelings

Emotions are tough. At least they can be. Unless of course you were raised in a family where you were encouraged to express your emotions in a healthy way and you were taught skills to manage them. And even then there are challenges. But at least you’ll know that your emotions are a normal part of the human experience. And you’ll know that it’s ok to feel them. So then that means you’ll allow them to be there. You’ll allow them to flow over you and through you. And you won’t feel the need to hide from them. You won’t feel the need to eat them away or drink them down or bury them with work or avoid them with exercise or get rid of them with any other method.

My method of choice has always been to eat them. I numbed them. Over and over. I protected myself. I protected my heart, my mind and my spirit. And have done since I was little.

And here’s the deal with that. At some point, that method of protection no longer works. It’s like you have small torches along the road that is your life, and through your experiences they each alight in turn, and illuminate the pathway that leads you to who you really are. And when that happens, your method of choice becomes something that holds you back and prevents you from living the life you are meant for.

The process of navigating that pathway is full of obstacles and challenges designed to test you. I think I’ve sat enough ‘exams’ in the last little while to take me up and over Mount Everest! Each of them is certainly challenging. And when I am done and they are ‘graded’, they each set off a domino effect of lighting a series of torches that has me galloping down that pathway instead of simply walking.

As you reach each exam it feels like the little brother to Mount Everest. It feels like the biggest thing you’ll ever do. Until you get to the next one! But there are some things you can do to help illuminate the path and ease the way.

1. Surround yourself with a trusted support team. Sometimes we feel lost, confused and full of turmoil. Speaking with coaches who are knowledgeable about the area you need can help to clarify the noise in your head.
2. Take some time out to care for yourself. Feeling stretched and stressed is not fun! It can feel overwhelming and like you’re going to explode. Find some activities that you love and that will help to release the pressure valve. From running to meditation to gardening to boxing to cooking. The list of options is only limited by your imagination. If you’re unsure what will suit, try out some different things to see which work best.
3. Writing is one of my biggest allies. It allows me to sort out the mess in my head and get clarity on which way to travel. But it doesn’t work for everyone, so you might like to tweak it a little. Try colouring in, using random words or symbols, creating collage, drawing or even poetry.
4. Take time away from the issue. Completely distract yourself and do something different for a while.
5. We can only ever possess knowledge that correlates to the extent of our prior experiences. And those can never cover the breadth of information out there on a particular topic. New, quality information from reputable sources can clarify and help light your path.
6. Understand that these emotions are normal and they are ok. They are a signal that something isn’t sitting right. Something is out of sync. Give yourself the time you need to take a step back and look at it from a different perspective.

Even though sometimes it seems like you’re in complete darkness, understand that there is always a spark of light to see by that will direct you to your next step. Taking that one tiny step will ultimately lead you to the light.

 

Self-Esteem

Self-Esteem is a “respect for or a favourable opinion of oneself” according to dictionary.com.

The second part of this is probably the easier to explore, so let’s look at it first. A “favourable opinion of oneself”. To think and believe highly of yourself. To know that you are worthy. To understand that you have skills and talents that the world would miss if you weren’t in it. To understand that you deserve love. To love yourself, and every part of you. Even the parts not usually “acceptable” in society – the flabby bits on your body, the tendency to say things without thinking first, or even the habit of procrastinating on doing the things most important to you. Whatever it is you hate about yourself.

Let’s have a look at the first part. A “respect for oneself”. Do you respect yourself? Enough to stand up for your rights? Enough to walk away from people who mistreat you or take you for granted? Enough to create and enforce boundaries? Enough to take the actions necessary to protect your time, energy, space, body, emotions and spirit? Do you respect yourself enough to find and follow your passion? To share your special gifts with the world? Enough to allow your unique and wonderful spirit to soar?

I believe all of these to be the most important things we can do for ourselves. I have personally discovered that without them, one lives a half-life. We simply exist, instead of live. We experience dissatisfaction, negativity and often self-hatred.

Self-esteem is multi-faceted. It is complex. It’s dynamic and changing. It will fluctuate as things happen in your life. Your sense of self as a child was certainly different to when you were 20. And that was certainly different to what it is right in this moment, here and now.

Are you happy with the way you feel about yourself right now? Do you believe in yourself and your abilities? Is there anything about yourself that you would like to change? Is there anything you’re unhappy with? Your size? Your appearance? Maybe your finances or the way you speak to your family? Your education or employment?

Whatever it may be, the chances are that the answer is not in fixing the things you’re unhappy with.

If you learned to love and accept yourself unconditionally, you’d look at the world differently. You wouldn’t need to shed weight to be lovable. You wouldn’t need to change your body to be beautiful. You wouldn’t need to get a better job or earn more money to be worthy. And you wouldn’t need to stop speaking without thinking. Instead, it would simply be one of the little quirks to love about yourself.

Self-love and unconditional acceptance would allow you to feel free. To feel centred and whole and complete. You would naturally allow your spirit to soar, you would eagerly follow your passions and show the world your unique skills and talents. You would generate and send out love to those around you. And you’d tackle challenges with faith and surety that everything will turn out exactly the way it is meant to.

This month’s focus will explore all of these issues. We’ll talk about boundaries, accomplishments, spirit, skills, unique talents, purpose, beauty and more. If you would like to read about something specific, please comment below, on our Facebook or Twitter feeds, or flick us an email at mindseteffect@optusnet.com.au, and we’ll endeavor to meet your needs.

 

 

Take Care of You!

You are worthy. Simply because you exist.

By definition, the fact that you are alive, that you breathe the air, that you walk this earth, is enough reason to justify your worthiness.

There are no conditions on this.

No “I can only be worthy if everyone likes me”

No “I can only be worthy if I please everyone in my life”

No “I can only be worthy if I work myself to the bone”

No “I can only be worthy if I take care of as many people as I can”

No “I can only be worthy if I do favours for other people”

No “I can only be worthy if …..” (insert any other idea your brain gives you)

When we put conditions on the way we love ourselves, we restrict so many things in our lives. You end up doing everything you can to please other people or working so many hours you never get time to yourself. Or taking care of everyone except yourself. Or doing things for other people to the extent that you never get time to do the things you enjoy. (Insert any other condition your brain conveniently provides).

Those conditions come about for a variety of reasons. Most of the time we receive certain messages and our beliefs about ourselves are formed by listening to them. They can be subtle or they can be said outright. We hear and interpret the words and we learn to say them to ourselves. We believe them.

Here are a couple of facts:

Those messages are always untrue. The words we use sound true. The emotions attached to the words feel true. However, they always lie. Always.

There is no justification.

The truth is indisputable.

You are worthy of being taken care of.

Simply because you are alive. Simply because you were born.

More on Anxiety

I would like to bring you all back to anxiety for a brief moment. A colleague of mine wrote this post for me a while ago and I think it might assist those of you who experience anxiety. Mick provides a simple place from which to begin managing your anxiety – mindfulness. Have a read and see what you think. If you feel you may benefit from learning how to observe your anxiety, please make contact with your mental health professional.

——————————————————————

What’s your lived experience of anxiety? What’s your relationship to it? If it were an animal, a colour, a flavor, what form would it take?  Is it something that seems like a normal part of your life?

Anxiety is a condition that increasingly affects people and communities globally. While it can be healthy in small amounts it often reaches levels in contemporary life that can have a debilitating effect on an individual’s psychological, spiritual and physical wellbeing. The effect of collective anxiety on communities can also be profound in the wake of significant events.

 There are many diverse strategies for managing anxiety and different things may work for different people. In that moment however of a racing pulse rate, inability to focus, a short fuse or lying awake in the middle of the night how do you go about applying a strategy? For example have you had the experience of successfully activating breathing techniques to reduce your symptoms? Have you been too overwhelmed in the moment to manage the anxiety? Have you ever had that thought “Well these tips all seem good in theory but….’

The simple act of observing what is going on in your body is a good place to start. Learning to become curious about the subtle and obvious characteristics of your own anxiety can open up a space in which you can really make a choice about how you want to experience that anxious moment. From there you can explore different strategies but it begins with curiosity. Not always easy. It can be hard to look that beast in the eye sometimes. But there are ways you can learn to be curious without getting caught up in the maelstrom.

Underneath curiosity lays motivation. Is anxiety something you can live with whatever its degree? Does anxiety provide other benefits that you feel might disappear if you conquer it? Is anxiety affecting your relationships with other people? Some of these questions may appear simple however like a sad song, they can suddenly make complete sense when the time is right.

So as best you can try not to see anxiety as an enemy to be resisted (resistance may sap what little energy you have left!). Before the strategies…observe it, understand it and then make a decision on how you want to live with or manage it.

 ——————————————————————

Mick Sheedy. Counsellor (Bach.App.Soc.Sci. Counselling) (QCA)

Hi, my name is Mick and I recently moved to Clunes from Brisbane with my wife and our boxer dog. We chose to live in Clunes because we like the sense of community and the natural beauty/serenity. I am a counsellor and my most recent work has been in assisting carers of all ages to manage their mental health.  A carer is someone who cares for another person living with a mental illness, physical or intellectual impairment. I am now available for counselling from a peaceful and private location in Clunes. Tel: 0478 086340 email: micksheedy12@gmail.com