One of the key points I made in my last post was that there are no conditions on our worthiness for being on this earth.
We have value and worth simply because we were born.
Note the full stop at the end of that sentence. The event of our birth gave us the right to be worthy. We need no other reason to believe in ourselves.
And yet, as described in the last post, every day we place conditions on ourselves. Our upbringing, our environment, the things other people say and do, all influence the way we feel about who we are.
When we feel like we don’t deserve the worth we were born with, we treat ourselves abysmally. We put ourselves down, we call ourselves names, we hate ourselves and we judge ourselves.
And in this, we inadvertently teach and allow others to treat us the same way. Whenever we voice our inner hate or call ourselves an idiot or mumble under our breath about how much of a failure we are, we reinforce the belief that we are unworthy.
Have you ever had the experience where someone you love has used you for their own gratification? Maybe your kids refuse to help out around the house. Maybe your brother repeatedly borrows money without paying it back. Maybe your best friend invites herself over all the time, talks about her problems, dumps all her stuff on you, and walks away, leaving you feeling wrung out. Or maybe your sister criticises everything you do.
In any of these situations you may end up feeling unappreciated, taken advantage of and used up and spat out. You may feel resentful and angry, and wonder why anyone would do these things when all you’ve done is given from the depths of your heart to help the people you love. You may have things churning in your mind about what would make these people treat you in such a way. And you could very well feel hurt that your generosity and the heart of your spirit has been abused. You would feel like every thought and emotion you’ve ever had about how unworthy you are has been confirmed.
Which, of course, keeps you in the cycle of allowing others to treat you horribly.
Think about this though …
If you believe that you are worthless, how do you think you’d feel if people treated you with respect, kindness and consideration? Would you believe it? How would you respond?
It’s very likely that you’d minimise it, reject it, dismiss it and walk away from it. You may even attack the person providing it.
But what if you did believe it?
If you believed you deserved love, consideration, respect and gratitude, how would you respond?
As someone who has believed both sides of this coin, I can tell you that your response would be worlds apart. You’d expect that people would show you gratitude and respect. You’d likely appreciate their compliments, accept them gracefully and feel pleased when you hear them.
One thing is certain. You’d never accept it when people treated you disrespectfully.
When you believe in yourself and your worth, you also believe that you deserve to be treated well. And when someone in your life doesn’t do that, you will naturally protect that sense of worth by placing boundaries around yourself that you don’t allow people to cross. Especially the people who say they love you.
So, if you feel like you’re being used, abused and taken advantage of, rather than looking to others for blame and justification for the way you feel, try looking internally to how you feel about yourself. If you can improve that, the way forward will become clearer.